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  I swallowed the lump in my throat. Owen’s last voicemail. Shit.

  ‘Plus we’re interviewing witnesses and possible suspects, so we’ll get to the bottom of it soon. We’ll find your husband’s killer, I promise.’

  I could taste the threat beneath his fake courtesy.

  ‘You have witnesses?’ It had been dark out, so early. Who would have seen anything at that hour?

  He grinned. I shivered. ‘You’d be surprised how early some elderly people wake up. And there are lots of elderly people in your neighborhood; they might have seen something useful. You know as well as I do, Mrs Fischer, that in today’s society there’s always someone watching. Someone who might have seen who took your husband’s car, or if any unfamiliar vehicles were parked on the street. All it takes is one pair of eyes to glance out the window at just the right moment to see what happened.’

  ‘So you do have witnesses then.’

  ‘I’m not at liberty to divulge those details, but let’s just say no one is ruled out yet. However, if you cooperate and continue to be open and honest with me, it’ll make things a lot easier for you.’

  He stood up and rapped on the table.

  ‘I do need to warn you, though. We’ll be keeping tabs on both you and your daughter, so don’t leave town.’

  ‘I won’t.’

  As he left, I knew it was time to lawyer up, though I had no idea how to go about finding the right one. After an online search, I discovered we wouldn’t qualify for a public defender because we made too much money, yet our savings were meager. How the hell would I find the money to afford decent legal aid? By the time I found a job – I had already started looking weeks ago without telling Owen, but the pickings were slim – and had a paycheck coming in, it’d be too late. And the insurance company wouldn’t pay out until the investigation was completed.

  But the bigger question was, who had gotten to Owen first? Lily had access to drugs, but they were prescription drugs. Could those even cause a heart attack? I had no idea, but I suppose too much of anything could do lethal damage. Not to mention, Lily had never approved of Owen, found him controlling and abusive. But enough that she would kill him? It didn’t ring true.

  Robin was the only one I could imagine who would want Owen dead. In fact, the whole family had motive. As a doctor, Grant had access to any number of drugs and I bet Robin was angry enough to kill. Or maybe Ryan wanted vengeance after Owen attacked him. As my mind began to arrange all the pieces in various patterns, the door rattled as someone knocked. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

  I opened the door and found Detective Rossi. Again. ‘Everything okay?’

  ‘Mrs Fischer, I was just heading to my car when I got a call. I’m going to need you to come down to the station with me.’

  My heart stopped. I barely got the words out. ‘What about?’

  ‘We found something that could break the case open. Meet me in the parking lot – and bring your daughter.’

  I could feel it in my bones that it was over. Somehow I was going to be incriminated for a crime I didn’t end up committing after all. Irony didn’t begin to cover it.

  I texted Aria to meet me out front, then headed outside to meet Detective Rossi. He was waiting at his car for me, coolly leaning against the hood, arms folded across his chest, sunglasses hiding his judgmental eyes. When Aria arrived, she had questions that I couldn’t answer and the detective refused to.

  ‘We’ll discuss it at the station,’ he answered simply.

  ‘Can I drive myself?’ I asked. Something about sitting in the back of a police cruiser seemed awfully fated.

  ‘It’s probably best that you both ride with me. Don’t worry – I don’t mind bringing you back.’ His finality gave me no choice.

  He escorted us to the police station in silence. I held Aria’s hand the whole way, and she clutched mine like it was a lifeline. When he asked us to sit down, we weren’t offered coffee or soda this time, which told me it was worse than I thought.

  The detective held a picture out as he sat down.

  ‘Know what this is?’ he asked.

  I did, but I didn’t want to say. It was Aria’s bag of pot. I warned her with a look not to speak.

  ‘No.’

  ‘We found it in Aria’s drawer. Aria, I’m sure you know what this is, right?’

  She shifted rigidly, picking at the chipped red paint on her fingernails. ‘A friend asked me to hold it for him.’ Liar. The giveaway was all over her face.

  ‘It’s foxglove, a poisonous herb that when ingested can cause irregular heart function. Even death. Any idea why your friend would ask you to hold on to a poisonous herb?’

  ‘No, sir,’ she answered. Still peeling tiny red curls of nail polish. Still lying.

  So it wasn’t marijuana. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Had my sweet, innocent girl poisoned her father? And who had given it to her?

  ‘Detective, I’m sure this is a misunderstanding.’ I was shocked. I didn’t know what to say, but I needed to say something. ‘Aria would never hurt her father. It can’t be what it looks like.’

  ‘We’ve put a rush on the toxicology report, Mrs Fischer,’ he growled, then turned to Aria. ‘And you better have a damn good explanation for why this was in your drawer.’

  Chapter 40

  Robin

  TUESDAY MORNING

  I sucked at apologies. It might have been due to a bad combination of my father’s pride with my mother’s feistiness, but when it came to saying those two simple words, it was like pulling teeth to push them past my lips: I’m sorry.

  Today was the first time it came easily. Friends had a way of taking a wrecking ball to those walls we fashioned brick by brick. Especially friends who were hurting more than you. I thought my mire was deep, until I waded in hers and sank.

  Mackenzie answered the door of her hotel room looking like death warmed over. Her hair was limp and unwashed, and a sweatshirt and sweatpants hung on her bony frame. I’d never seen her look so disheveled … and skinny. Depression and death – the latest weight-loss fad.

  ‘You finally decided to go dirty blond.’ Humor had always been our icebreaker, but it landed awkwardly today. She barely cracked a smile. ‘I’m so sorry, Mac. I’m sorry for everything.’ I shifted my weight, unsure if I was welcome to hug her. Oh how I wanted to hug her.

  ‘How’d you find me?’ she asked curtly.

  ‘Through Lily. I’ve been trying to reach you. I stopped by the house but there’s crime scene tape blocking the entrance. Are you okay?’

  ‘No, I’m not okay, Robin. Nothing’s okay.’

  I heard the pain in her voice. More than anything I wanted to reach across the gaping divide. I stretched out my hand to touch her, but she moved away.

  ‘Can I come in? You need someone looking out for you.’

  She sniffled, then wiped her nose on her sleeve. ‘No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Everyone around me is a suspect in Owen’s murder, and I don’t want to drag you into this.’

  ‘I don’t care about being dragged into it, Mac. That’s what friends are for – to wade through the muck together. You shouldn’t be alone right now.’

  ‘I don’t know …’ Her voice wavered. That was enough of a yes for me.

  ‘That’s it – I’m not giving you a choice about it. I’ll go pick up something to eat. Grant called off work today and is watching Collette for me, so I’m all yours.’

  I pushed my way past her, entering the modest living room-bedroom combo. The only thing ‘living room’ about it was a love seat nestled into a corner across from two double beds. The suite stank of body odor and something I couldn’t identify. Rotting food, perhaps? Depression? I knew the scent of despair because I had done my share of wallowing in it.

  I desperately wanted to clean for her, but I knew she didn’t need that right now. What she needed was a shoulder. The cushions on the scratchy plaid love seat hung halfway out, so I pushed them back in with my knee and sat down. I ima
gined Mackenzie was spending too much time curled up on this sofa and so wondered if a walk outside might be a better idea.

  ‘What are you hungry for?’ I asked, pulling out my phone. ‘I’ll find someplace close and we can go together. Get you out of this dank apartment.’

  ‘I couldn’t eat even if I wanted to. I’m a mess right now … and they think Aria might have done it.’ She joined me on the love seat. Up close her bedraggled state and reek of misery hit home.

  ‘Aria? No way. I don’t understand. What does Aria have to do with what happened?’

  ‘They said he had a heart attack … and they think it’s from either drugs or poison.’

  ‘I thought … the news said something different.’ I didn’t think Mackenzie wanted to rehash the gory details sensationalized by the local news.

  ‘That his neck was sliced open? Yeah, that apparently happened after he was already dead – from a drug-induced heart attack.’

  ‘How would Aria even have access to a drug like that?’

  ‘I don’t know, Robin. I don’t know. But look, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about everything with Ryan. Honestly, I can’t think or talk about Owen right now. I’m worn slap out. I need to shift gears to something else before I lose my mind.’

  ‘Sure, honey. We can talk about whatever you want.’ I patted her knee reassuringly.

  ‘Thanks,’ she muttered. ‘As you know, Owen was the one who filed the charges. I’m going to ask the cops to drop them. I never thought things would get so out of hand over that.’

  ‘Hey, let’s not think about that right now.’

  ‘No, it’s important. Owen filed the charges and he’s not here anymore, is he? So let’s just move on, right?’

  I hadn’t been sleeping much, which gave me time for thinking instead. Thinking about my marriage, my friends, my choices. As much as I wanted Ryan’s life to move on, I knew what it felt like to lose your soul, to grieve over that missing piece of who you are when a man thinks he can steal your body as if it was his own. I had never gotten justice with Geoffrey, but I’d be damned if I’d let Aria become a victim like I was. Even if that meant putting my own son on the stand.

  ‘Mac, I want Aria to make that decision, no one else. I want her to think about it and decide if it’s something she should do. She’s the one who was wronged here, not any of us. If Ryan did something to hurt her, he needs to take responsibility for it. He needs to make amends for it. I don’t know what really happened that night – only those two kids do. So we should let Aria decide. Are you okay with that?’

  She watched me with a curiosity I had never seen in her before. Like she was trying to interpret something beyond my words. ‘Are you sure you want to put that risk on Ryan?’

  ‘I have two girls, Mac. I would never want Willow or Collette to be forced into silence or not given the chance to speak up. Women have been regarded as collateral damage in the so-called man’s world for too long, threatened or shamed into hiding their wounds. It’s time for that to change. It’s time for us to speak up and protect one another, and the first step toward doing that is to raise honorable men. If my son screws up, he has to fix it. He can’t get away with it. I would do anything to protect my girls. The same goes with Aria. You’re family, Mac. I only want what’s right. I’ve talked to Ryan and he’s okay with it.’

  Tears trickled from my eyes as I articulated a conviction that had been repressed for too long. I wished I could have rectified my own injustice long ago, but the wound had eventually scarred over. I didn’t want to pick at it and make it bleed. Mackenzie’s arms wrapped around me, and soon we were crying together so hard I thought my chest would crack open.

  ‘Oh, Robin, I’m so proud to be your friend and so sorry that you had to go through that. But I promise, you’ll get your justice. I swear on my life.’

  ‘It’s okay, Mac. We don’t always get it. I just have to mourn that loss and move on. I can’t let it devour me, but I can become stronger and raise better men from it. My past has given me a voice to fight for a cause. And it’s given me Ryan, so I guess something good can come out of something so evil.’

  Amidst her pain, Mac managed a wry chuckle. ‘Why do I feel like I should be singing “I Will Survive”?’

  I laughed too. ‘Yeah, I guess I need to step down off my soapbox, huh?’

  ‘Maybe, but what you said – you’re absolutely right.’ After a long pause, she added: ‘Do you think you’ll ever feel whole again?’

  I knew she was asking the same question of herself, and for her daughter too. I shrugged and picked at a loose thread hanging from the arm of the couch. I couldn’t answer that today. Maybe tomorrow, or the day after that.

  ‘One can hope. But it takes time. Give Aria time. Give yourself time.’

  Mackenzie grabbed my hand, holding it to her chest. That’s when I saw it – the bruise on her neck.

  ‘What happened there?’ I asked, gingerly grazing the mark. It looked like a long blue and yellow finger.

  Her palm reflexively covered the bruise.

  ‘Nothing worth mentioning.’

  ‘Haven’t we gotten past the point of superficial nothings? I’m pouring my heart out to you, Mac. You can trust me.’

  She glanced away. There was something between the lines she was holding back.

  For a long moment I didn’t think she would end up telling me, but when she finally turned to me, I saw a fierceness in her eyes that I always knew she had but until now had never tapped into. ‘Robin,’ she began, ‘I’ve done something horrible …’

  I didn’t speak, and I didn’t judge, while she dropped her darkest sin at my feet so that I could help her pick up the pieces.

  By the time I got home, Grant was already cooking dinner and the house was unusually quiet, except for the sizzle of mesquite sauce bubbling on the stove. The scent of barbecue chicken and roasted potatoes wafted across the house, making my mouth water. Wearing oven mitts, he glanced up at me and smiled. For once it felt good to be home.

  ‘Dinner will be ready in a couple of minutes. And Collette’s been fed and is playing with Lucas in his room. So far no one’s crying or fighting, so I’m guessing they’re entertaining themselves okay.’

  ‘Wow, look at you, Mr Mom. Home all day with the kids – is your sanity still intact?’

  He erupted in a belly laugh. ‘I don’t know how you do it every day, but I love you for it. You’re tougher than I ever gave you credit for, babe.’

  Even that tiny acknowledgment felt like huge praise. I never expected or sought gratitude for what I did as a mother, as a wife, as a homemaker, but sometimes a person simply needed to be appreciated. Finally Grant understood that.

  ‘Did you hear that Lily is moving away?’ I watched for his reaction. Nothing but a surprised raise of his eyebrows.

  ‘Really? Good for her.’ He seemed unmoved by the news.

  Our gazes locked in a shared understanding that with Lily gone, we could distance ourselves from the mistakes. Leave the past in the past.

  I grabbed my Burberry bag and brought it to the kitchen. ‘I have something I need to show you.’ It was silly, I knew, but it was monumental for me. Everyone had their own vices; now I was facing and defeating mine. It would be hard, probably one of the hardest acts of discipline I’d do in my adult life, but it needed to be done. No one would really understand the power of my impulse unless they had walked in my shoes – my overpriced Gucci impulse-buy shoes. But I was going to rectify it, smother that urge, starting tonight.

  I found my wallet, slipped the credit card out, and held it up for Grant to see. Opening the junk drawer, I grabbed a pair of scissors and placed the card between the blades.

  ‘Drum roll, please!’

  Grant obliged, making a trilling sound with his tongue and rapping his fingers on the countertop.

  With a grand flourish I guillotined the evil plastic and let the halves fall to the floor.

  ‘Ta-da! First step in licking my spending problem accomplis
hed! Next I’m going to start selling some of my stuff online to pay this thing off – on my own. I even found a job I’d love to do that’s perfect for me. It’s mostly nights, so we won’t need childcare for Collette. I’ll just need you to help out more in the evenings. What do you think?’

  Winding his way around the island counter, he stepped in front of me, held my face with his oven-mitted hands, and kissed me. Kissed me long and deep and lovingly, a passionate Hello, I’m back between long-lost lovers.

  When at last Grant broke the kiss, he said, ‘Robin, I think you’re amazing and brave, and I’ll do anything to support you, to love you, and to fulfill you.’

  I knew in that moment that we were going to be okay. Better than okay. Already we were changed, better than we’d been for months. It didn’t mean it’d be a smooth, easy road, but it meant we were willing to try. Trying was the first step toward succeeding.

  As the oven timer beeped, I slipped out of his arms and grabbed my cell phone. Pulling up the number I had saved, I dialed and the receptionist answered after the second ring:

  ‘Hello, this is the Women’s Rape Crisis Center. How can I help you?’

  I took a breath, flashed Grant a nervous grin, and replied, ‘Hi, I’m calling about the job posting you have online. I’d like to submit my application …’

  Chapter 41

  Mackenzie

  TUESDAY AFTERNOON

  Everything felt so wrong, so twisted, so upside-down. I hadn’t expected Aria to become a suspect. I had already decided that if they pinned Owen’s death on her, I would take the blame, but I hoped and prayed it didn’t come to that. But what if she had done it? The thought curdled in my stomach – my little girl, a killer? Like mother, like daughter …

  I had spent the afternoon cooped up in four hundred square feet of compact hotel living, searching online for a defense attorney, all requiring retainers I could never afford. How did any average-income family ever afford a criminal defense team? I kicked myself for losing Owen’s Lexus, because that would have been the first thing I sold to finance my defense. The excessive car payments alone had already used up half of our monthly budget, and the mortgage took up the other half. Now without Owen’s income I was screwed. I needed a solid attorney and cash to pay the bills, and Owen’s life insurance was proving worthless. If the cops ruled his death a suicide, there went the money. If the cops ruled Aria or I killed him, there went the money. The only shot I had of survival was a flimsy house of cards that didn’t tie me or Aria to Owen’s death … which seemed unlikely, since I had tried to kill him. They’d find out. They always found out.