One Perfect Morning Page 15

  Chapter 25

  Lily

  FRIDAY EVENING

  Mistakes come in threes.

  I had been trying to avoid Grant like he was a germ-infested kid, I really had, but when Robin called to invite me to Ryan’s Gateway Gators baseball game, I couldn’t say no. She needed company, she whined, saying that she wasn’t really into baseball, never understood the game, and nine innings were just so damn long while dealing with Collette and Lucas that she’d blow her brains out if I wasn’t there to keep her company. So I said yes, I’d meet her at the ball field.

  That was mistake number one.

  Mistake number two happened two innings, three sneak-in-your-own-beers, and one nachos-and-cheese later as poor ignorant Robin sat between me and Grant chatting like everything was fine and dandy. Because as far as she knew, it was. Her marriage wasn’t crumbling around her, her friendship wasn’t stained with betrayal; her biggest concern was the cheese droppings on her jeans that she hoped wouldn’t stain.

  When Grant left to greet the dad of one of the other players, Robin turned her full attention to me.

  ‘Seeing anyone lately?’ she asked while Collette squirmed in her arms and Lucas whined for more candy. The kid had a one-track mind when it came to sweets.

  Your husband, I could have said but didn’t. ‘No, not really. No one is as good as Tony was for me. I still miss him, you know?’

  ‘Tony? Really? He was an average-looking chub. What was the appeal there anyway?’

  Robin meant no cruelty by her remark. Sure, Tony was fat. We could call it what it was. But I loved that about him. Fat guys knew how to please a woman because they had more to prove. Tony worshipped me, treated me like a goddess. Tony loved to satisfy me, in and out of the bedroom. And I reciprocated. Because when someone goes out of their way to make you happy, you can’t help but return the favor.

  We were perfect together, him with his insecurities that made him attentive, and me with my egotism that demanded he always be mine. It worked for a long time … until it didn’t. But that was my fault, not Tony’s. And I still hadn’t gotten over it. Or over him, for that matter. Maybe if he hadn’t told me to wait for him I wouldn’t still be waiting. That was a year ago.

  ‘I liked feeling small in his arms. He was like a big teddy bear.’

  ‘More like being smothered in his arms, but hey, to each her own.’

  I knew what Robin was doing. It was a thing girls did. Insult the ex to lessen the loss.

  ‘It doesn’t matter anyway. Tony’s gone and now I’m alone.’ It was a fact I still hadn’t accepted, if I was being honest.

  ‘Have you tried any dating websites? You might meet someone nice that way.’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Is there ever anyone nice on a dating service?’

  ‘I’m sure there is. Don’t knock it until you try it, Lil.’

  ‘All right, full disclosure here. I’ve tried this dating app a few times and the guys are hit-or-miss, but mostly miss.’ I opened up the app on my phone and scrolled through the pictures. ‘Let’s see, this guy had a creepy foot fetish.’ I swiped to another picture. ‘And this one was still obsessed with his ex.’ Then a third. ‘And this one’s coke nails didn’t inspire much confidence.’

  I was sick of meeting deadbeats looking for a sugar mamma. I wasn’t that girl.

  ‘Here, let me pick one for you.’ Robin took my phone and began swiping through pictures, speculating over this guy’s weird fixation, that guy’s personality disorder.

  When Robin’s laughter stopped suddenly, I looked over her shoulder and nearly choked on my mouthful of water. There, on my screen, wearing a charming grin and striking a macho shirtless pose, was Grant. Not only was he cheating on his wife, but he was cheating on his mistress too. Not that I had any room to judge, but still … the stronzo! I glanced up at Robin, whose face was drained of color.

  She scrolled down to his profile description, and I covered the screen with my hand. ‘Are you sure you want to read that?’

  ‘No, but I have to, don’t I? My husband’s back in the dating game, apparently. As his wife I should know what he’s marketing himself as, right?’

  Okay, she was handling this a little too well. Screaming, sure. Yelling, of course. Crying, obviously. But the icy demeanor she wore didn’t fit. I removed my hand and watched her eyes fly over his profile, again and again:

  Fun-loving pediatrician looking for casual no-strings with similar interests.

  ‘What does that even mean, similar interests?’ Robin muttered under her breath.

  I knew exactly what it meant. Someone who wanted discreet, uncomplicated sex. Nothing more, nothing less. But I was pretty sure Robin didn’t need to hear that; she’d fill in the blanks on her own.

  ‘And as if mentioning he’s a doctor will score him brownie points?’ she added with bite.

  It probably would, actually. More likely to get hits if you had money. There were plenty of promiscuous single girls looking for a sugar daddy to take care of them.

  When she looked at me, I wasn’t sure if it was for affirmation or denial. Did she want a ‘that cheating bastard’ or ‘that’s probably not him’?

  ‘So he wants to play games, huh? I’ll play a game.’ Her voice was saturated with a darkness I couldn’t read. What was she planning?

  ‘Robin, honey, what are you doing?’ I almost didn’t want to know, but I needed to protect her from herself. Vengeance led to the grave.

  ‘I’m creating a profile. Then I’m gonna trap him and use that to take him down. And when I’m done with him he’ll be ruined professionally and won’t have a penny to his name.’

  Spoken with the calm of a breezeless day. So matter-of-fact it sent a chill up my spine. I’d never seen this side of Robin – the sinister, ruthless side. God help me if she ever found out what I did. Grant was her husband, the father of her children; I was just a friend.

  Within minutes she had created a profile, uploaded some random beautiful woman’s picture she found online, and created a profile description:

  Single nanny looking for a casual encounter. Must be a gentleman who knows how to treat a lady.

  She clicked to activate her profile and whoosh! Off it went into cyberspace. A few minutes later she found Grant’s profile again and sent a private message requesting to meet in person. A hot nanny and a kid doctor both looking to bang – the perfect match. Damn, Robin was good. Scary good. It was only a matter of time before my neck was next on the chopping block.

  ‘Mommy, I have to go pee.’ Lucas tugged on her shirt, bouncing on the balls of his tiny tennis-shoed feet. His arms and legs never stopped moving, like a windup monkey.

  ‘Okay, sweetie. I’ll take you.’ Robin sniffed Collette’s rear and frowned. ‘Looks like sissy could use a fresh diaper too.’

  Lucas looked up at me and smiled widely, showing off a gaping hole where he’d recently lost a tooth. ‘Guess what, Auntie Lil! Guess what! Guess what!’

  ‘What?’ I barked, but when his face contorted with hurt, I sweetly covered it up with a syrupy, ‘What’s up, little guy?’ I hated when he repeated himself again and again and again. How Robin managed not to duct tape his motormouth shut was beyond me. I guess that was why I didn’t have kids and she did.

  ‘I can pee standing up!’ Lucas proudly chirped.

  ‘Oh, you’re a big boy now?’

  ‘Yup. I peed on the wall, and in the garbage can, and on the floor, and on the toilet seat all by myself.’

  I gasped, horrified. ‘Really? That’s … uh … great.’

  ‘And you also managed to pee on Mommy’s jeans,’ Robin added, ‘and that’s why Mommy said you need to sit down when you pee, since Mommy had to clean all that up.’ Robin looked at me with a stiff grin that said Motherhood isn’t for the weak. ‘C’mon, Lucas, let’s head to the bathroom where you’ll sit when you pee.’

  Robin stood up, managing her way down the bleacher aisle. One arm was full of baby, the other burdened with an overstuffed di
aper bag, while dragging an easily distracted Lucas who kept zipping away from her and getting tangled up in the legs of the crowd. Superwoman, that was Robin. It made me feel even worse about betraying her. But not bad enough to avoid mistake number two when I showed Robin the damn dating app.

  Minutes after Robin left Grant filled the empty seat.

  ‘Hey, gorgeous,’ he said, brushing his finger against my leg.

  I scooted away. ‘Behave. Robin will be back any second.’

  ‘What if I told you I didn’t care if she saw us?’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘I’d tell you you’re an idiota.’

  I wanted to warn him about Robin’s ruse to catch him with that dating app, but it wasn’t my place to do it. I was done playing piggy-in-the-middle. Plus I didn’t want to dive into the conversation about him seeing women other than me. Jealous mistress wasn’t my thing.

  So instead I avoided looking at his strong hands that knew how to touch me, or his sweet mouth that had tasted the terrain of my body. It was excruciating making platonic small talk with him, us both knowing what we knew, feeling what we had felt. Not to mention my pang of jealousy that he was also seeing other women. The rush of his heat still tingled my lips even now. I was addicted and I didn’t know how to get sober.

  When Grant watched me stand up, I said, ‘I’m heading to the concession stand. Need anything?’ Yes, I was legitimately hungry, but finding a moment alone with Grant always lingered in the back of my mind.

  ‘I’ll join you.’ Then he smiled. Merda! It was that glint of mischief in his eyes that got me in trouble in the first place. But I didn’t stop, couldn’t stop. Have I mentioned that I’m an addict?

  We headed to the food booth, but when we reached it, he grabbed my hand and pulled me behind it. In the back, the booth was supported by stacks of concrete blocks, creating a secret and shadowy nook, just barely tall enough to stand up in. It was common knowledge teen girls and boys used this spot for make-out sessions. Luckily for us, it was currently unoccupied.

  We wasted no time with words. His lips immediately engulfed mine, his hands cupping my ass and lifting me up until I straddled him. I knew Robin would come looking for us soon, but I couldn’t stop. His lips trailed down my neck as his hands roved over my breasts. Dry humping like two horny teenagers, I saw a shadowy shape approaching.

  ‘Shh,’ I whispered, hopping down off from him. ‘Someone’s coming. Hide!’ We scrunched back deeper into the nook. As I crouched in the shade, it took me back to ninth grade when I had made out with Brian Bahn under the bleachers, my first real boyfriend. First love lingered a lifetime.

  I straightened my shirt and rebuttoned my pants – I hadn’t even realized he had made that smooth move. Breathless with mingled excitement and trepidation, I casually waited for Robin to pop into view. But she never did. No one did. The shadow simply idled, within eyeshot but too indistinct to identify. Was whoever it was listening to us? Waiting to catch us in the act? I crept forward and peeked out just as the shadow retreated. I could see people milling around the baseball park. A moment later I spotted Robin’s back among the crowd, her hair falling in loose waves around her shoulders. I didn’t know if our little eavesdropper was her or not, but I’d be damned if I came crawling out of the shadows while she stood right there.

  ‘Is it her?’ Grant whispered in my ear.

  ‘I’m not sure if she saw us, but she’s standing right there.’ I nodded in her direction. ‘Just wait until she moves.’

  And what if she saw us? What would happen then? Question after question plagued me, worry heaped on top of guilt and regret. I didn’t want to feel this way. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be free of this burden. But I couldn’t stop, and I didn’t know how to stop. For the first time since Tony I felt alive. But Tony was gone, wasn’t he? I had pushed the best thing in my life away and there was no returning to that life. I’d lost everything that mattered all because of the accident, the pills, the depression – a hungry cycle that swallowed me whole.

  People judge addicts as weak, but they have no idea what it’s really like. Speculate all you want, but until your life depends on something, you’ll never know. For years I tried to figure out how people just ‘quit’ their drug of choice, but it wasn’t so easy. My thoughts were always on my next high, whether it be pills … or, now, Grant.

  Maybe Robin catching us was what I needed to straighten my life out. Maybe if I got my life together Tony would take me back. But in that scenario I’d lose Robin. I’d lose my friend in order to gain myself. I wasn’t so sure it was an even exchange.

  ‘We gotta go back out there,’ Grant finally said, ripping me from my self-loathing. ‘I don’t want her finding us here.’

  ‘Is it better if she sees us both coming out of here together? That’s going to look pretty damn suspicious.’

  Then I had an idea. It was a stupid one, one that would probably turn Robin against me, but it was better than getting caught. As Grant headed out into the open, I lingered behind.

  Welcome, mistake number three: kissing my best friend’s husband while she stood mere feet away.

  I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and swiped to unlock it. It rang twice before Mackenzie answered.

  ‘Hey, Mac. Are you free right now?’ Holding my phone up to my ear, I waved Robin over as if I was excited to finally find her. ‘Sorry,’ I mouthed to Robin, ‘I was behind the concession stand trying to hear my phone. I’m on with Mackenzie. She might be joining us.’

  Her chin lifted slightly, and she didn’t exactly look happy about the news. I read what she was thinking – don’t you dare make me share space with Mackenzie – but at this point I didn’t care about their feud. I needed Mackenzie here – and fast, before I finished what Grant and I had started. I didn’t trust myself anymore. Only Mac knew about the demons I was battling, and I needed her to fight them with me.

  I paced out of earshot before Robin had a chance to object.

  ‘Why?’ Mackenzie asked slowly. Curiously, as if she knew I was up to something. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘We’re all at Ryan’s baseball game and we wanted you here.’

  ‘Seriously, Lily? I told you I’m pissed at Robin. I’m not going anywhere near her family.’

  ‘Come on,’ I begged. ‘We’ve been friends for decades. Stop acting like children and let’s deal with it like grown-ups. I think Robin wants to make amends.’

  ‘Robin said that – she wants me there?’

  ‘Of course, we all do.’ A tiny white lie for the sake of friendship. ‘You both need to stop letting this rift come between you and discuss it, figure it out together for the sake of the kids. Put on your big-girl pants and talk it through.’

  ‘I wish I could, but Owen would kill me. He and Robin had sort of a … falling out last night.’

  ‘What are you talking about, a falling out?’ How much drama were these two involved in? I felt like I’d missed an entire season of Real Housewives of Monroeville starring Robin and Mackenzie.

  ‘Honestly, I don’t want to get into it right now, but it’s pretty bad. I don’t think I’ll be seeing you girls for a while until Owen cools down. Sorry.’

  Merda! There went my protection from myself. And Robin’s scowl while Collette squirmed in her arms wasn’t helping. Screw sobriety, I needed a pill to get through this night, because I could guarantee Robin would be giving me an earful about Mackenzie the moment I hung up.

  The pills were in my car, so I mouthed an I’ve gotta run to my car real quick to Robin, listening to Mac vent while I crunched my way along the gravel parking lot.

  ‘Are you going to be okay at home with Owen being all riled up? You know the plan still stands – la mia casa è la tua casa. I know how he gets when he’s angry.’

  ‘I’m fine, Lily, really. I just need a bubble bath, a glass of wine, and a book. By the end of the weekend things should hopefully calm down.’

  By this point I found my car, digging my keys out of my pocket.
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br />   I hadn’t noticed it until a sliver of light glinted on my tire, catching my attention.

  ‘Oh my God,’ I said, forgetting I was on the phone.

  ‘Lily? Is everything all right?’

  ‘No. Someone slashed all my tires.’

  I could have shrugged it off as mischief-making teenagers, except for the handle of a blade jutting out of the front driver’s side tire. A message – and a creepy one at that. Was this saying I was next? The worst part was that it could have been any number of enemies I had recently made. Irving? Willow? The mysterious phone breather?

  The mistake underpinning all of my others: making enemies out of friends.

  Chapter 26

  Mackenzie

  FRIDAY NIGHT

  They say love and hate go hand in hand. They’re right, you know. In this world there is nothing as inspiring as love. The poetry it has created, the artwork it has motivated. But if a husband stole it away and replaced it with apathy, there is nothing as vindictive as a wife’s hate.

  I heard the front door slam shut. Not the gentle, calm click of the latch returning home, but a brash, irritated bang. The master was home, and surprise surprise, he was in a bad mood. When Owen had a rough day at work, the whole neighborhood knew it. He made sure of that with his speed-driving and slamming the front door off its hinges. What they didn’t know was what he did behind closed bedroom doors, safe from Aria’s view but not safe for me.

  ‘With your disfigurement you should be happy I like screwing you,’ he’d tell me when I made excuses for why I wasn’t in the mood. Not like my mood mattered. He always got what he wanted, when he wanted it. My disfigurement, as he put it, always kept me in the passenger’s seat. I would never be the driver of my life, because I wasn’t pretty enough.

  Owen stormed past me into the kitchen, where he threw open the fridge door and grabbed a beer.

  ‘You okay, honey?’ I called from the living room where I was folding laundry.

  Six neat stacks – one for me, one for Owen, and four for Aria. How that girl managed to go through four times as many clothes as a normal human was a mystery. I decided to have her start washing her own laundry just to make a point. She’d agree, do one load to humor me, then I’d be back to doing it. Not that I minded. I loved the purpose it gave me. Sometimes Aria playfully accused me of being like those mindless commercial moms on TV, finding fulfillment in cleaning up little messes with the latest miracle product. I wondered when Procter & Gamble would come out with something to clean up really big messes. Like my life.