One Perfect Morning Page 13

  ‘Are you sure she doesn’t remember? Maybe she’s not being honest with you because she’s embarrassed.’

  ‘No, not Aria. She wouldn’t lie to me. She was pretty drunk and oblivious.’

  ‘But Ryan adores her. I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding.’ I walked a tightrope playing devil’s advocate, but there was no way this happened the way Mackenzie painted it. These kids had been friends forever. ‘Maybe—’

  ‘Stop defending him!’ she blurted. ‘For once will you listen to me? I’m telling you that Robin’s son victimized my daughter, and you’re more concerned with keeping the peace! Well, there is no peace anymore. Robin refuses to accept the truth, and apparently you do too. So I guess I have no real friends.’

  ‘Wait, stop that!’ I jumped up from the sofa and grabbed Mackenzie in both arms, pulling her into a hug. This was spiraling away from me faster than I could reel it in. I leaned back so that I could meet her eyes. ‘Mac, I’m listening. You got my attention, okay? What can I do? Should I talk to Robin?’

  Mackenzie had always been the peacekeeper, but I’d wear the negotiator mantle if it meant fixing this schism.

  She dismissed my question with a wave, then stepped away from me. I had an unsettling feeling like I was losing both her and Robin. ‘Until Robin sets things straight with Ryan, I’m not speaking to her. So if you want to say something to her, be my guest. But I’m done with that whole family.’

  ‘What about Willow? They need you right now.’

  ‘I’ll be there to help find Willow, but then I’m done. What if Willow found out about Ryan and Aria and took off? She idolizes her brother.’

  ‘You think that might have caused her to run away?’ I had pulled my fair share of disappearing acts as a teenager, but I wasn’t a mother, so what did I know?

  ‘That’s my guess. Kids her age don’t usually get abducted in the middle of class. It’s more likely she left on her own free will.’

  ‘Do you have any ideas on how we can help? Put up flyers? Post her picture all over Facebook? You tell me, I’ll do it.’

  ‘We could start with that and …’

  Mac’s shrill voice dulled into the background as guilt slammed into me hard. It was all too much. I could barely listen to her without my skull splitting wide open. My head reminded me that I was due for another pain pill, but I couldn’t take it in front of Mackenzie. The moment it knocked me out, she’d be all judgy about it. I’d learned my lesson the last time she chastised me for hours about how painkillers were addictive, a gateway drug to something worse. But what was worse than this?

  I leaned back, blindly feeling for the wall, then propped my head against it while my forearm covered my eyes from the sun streaking through the room.

  ‘You okay?’ Mackenzie asked. ‘You look like hell warmed over.’

  ‘I’ve seen better days.’

  ‘Lily.’ Her voice turned all maternal, the way she spoke when she was prepping for a lecture. ‘I know you. Something’s not right.’

  She thought this was about painkillers. She could offer to help me get through the withdrawal, keep me accountable on my path toward sobriety. If only it was that simple. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this was about being a home-wrecker. There was no quick fix for a family torn apart by infidelity.

  ‘You can tell me if something’s going on.’ Oh sweet, naïve Mackenzie.

  Could I? Could I really tell her? Because more than anything I wanted release from the shame that constantly suffocated me in my own misery.

  I rehearsed it in my head: I’m sleeping with Grant. No, if it didn’t sound right in my head, it wouldn’t sound right coming from my mouth.

  ‘You’ll feel better once you talk about it. I promise.’ She led me to sit down beside her, propping my feet on her lap. She patted my legs like I was her child, and it felt nice to be coddled for once. I was tired of having to play fiercely independent all the time. Sometimes a girl just wanted to be doted on.

  Willow was missing, possibly because of me. I was in love with a married man. My drug addiction was eating me alive. And the self-hatred was gnawing on my remains. What else did I have to lose by confessing?

  ‘Swear to keep this between us? No telling Robin. Or Owen.’

  ‘I swear. What’s going on? It can’t be as bad as all the other crap going on.’

  I chuckled mirthlessly. ‘Oh, it’s that bad. You’ll never forgive me.’

  ‘Try me.’ Mackenzie fixed her gaze on me, the same one Mamma used to give me. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look her in the face while I said it.

  ‘I fucked Grant.’

  And there it was. Out in the open. Her shock deflated the air out of the room. As the unnerving silence lingered, I wondered if she was even still there. I opened my eyes, glanced over at her. Mackenzie sat stunned, unblinking, her breath held.

  ‘Please say something,’ I begged.

  ‘Wow, what can I say? You screwed your best friend’s husband. I don’t even know how to reply to that. What do you want me to tell you? That you really messed up? That you destroyed the marriage of someone who loves you like a sister? Lily, it’s unforgivable what you did. You realize that, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes, I know I’m a horrible person. I know it’s unforgivable.’

  ‘How did it happen?’

  The question of the day – and I didn’t have an answer. ‘I don’t know. It just happened. Are you going to tell Robin?’

  She didn’t answer at first. She wanted to make me sweat. And it was working, too.

  ‘No, I’ll keep your secret, Lil, because it’s not mine to tell. But you’re going to have to come clean at some point, because you owe her the truth. She’s your friend, and friends tell the truth even when it hurts.’

  Was my friend, she should have said, because once I told Robin everything, I would lose her.

  Mackenzie threw my feet off her lap, stood up, and headed for the door.

  ‘Where are you going?’ I asked. She was angry. Beyond angry. Uncharted-territory angry.

  ‘I can’t stomach being in the same room as you right now, Lil. Look, I’m glad you were honest with me, but Robin is the one you really need to confess to. Not right now, obviously. Let things with Willow get resolved. God knows Robin doesn’t need more to worry about. She’s already hurting enough.’

  Mackenzie flung the front door open and tossed one last pitying look my way.

  ‘I’m sorry, you know. I wish I could take it back,’ I said. And it was true, but impossible. There was nothing I could do to repair the damage I’d done.

  Mackenzie’s gaze turned flat and cold. ‘One of these days you’re going to regret pushing away the people who loved you most – first Tony, now Robin. They actually cared about you, but all you care about is the momentary high. Whether it’s the pills I know you’re still popping or the sex, it’s all fleeting. People aren’t, though. If you sabotage every good thing, you’ll have nothing left but a wasteland. I love you, Lil, but not enough to watch you self-destruct.’

  She slammed the door behind her, and all I could think about was the orange bottle of pills containing my sweet release from this prison I confined myself in.

  2015, PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA

  I hated driving downtown: endless bumper-to-bumper traffic; aggressive assholes behind the wheel; idiot pedestrians racing out into busy intersections, their overcoats flapping behind them. But sometimes it was a necessary evil to venture into the belly of the beast. Especially when you were about to meet with a potential business investor.

  Everything was ready to fall into place … before everything was about to fall apart. I had drafted the bank-requested proposal for my health and wellness company – Workout Wonder, Don’t wonder if you can get healthy when we’ll help you do it! – networked and found someone with loaded pockets who was equally excited about the prospect, even located an affordable start-up site. Tony had given his stamp of approval, willing to work whatever extra hours were needed to supplement our inco
me until I got things up and running. My dream was becoming a reality, with only one step remaining.

  The contract sat on the passenger seat, ready to be signed by my new partner – who I was ten minutes late to meet. I had circled the same block three times with no luck finding a parking spot until, lo and behold, Lady Luck smiled on me. A spot right in front of his office, and I’d be damned if I let anybody else get it before I did.

  I inched my car forward at the red light, cussing the knot of businesspeople rushing through the crosswalk. My front fender skimmed the intersection when the truck slammed into the side of my Honda Accord, smashing through the passenger side and hurling my car into oncoming traffic. My neck snapped to one side. My airbag smashed hard against my cheek. The competing forces twisted my body into a Z. The pedestrians and skyscrapers spun crazily like a carnival ride.

  As the car slowed to a stop, everything else stopped with it. My dreams. My future. My health. My marriage. That day was the beginning of the end.

  Chapter 23

  Robin

  THURSDAY

  I hadn’t recognized Geoffrey Faust’s voice when he called to tell me he had Willow. Why would I? It had been nineteen years ago, after all. Nineteen years of burying his face somewhere in the tar-black depths of my mutilated soul. Nineteen years of erasing him – his voice, his body, his smell, his ghost. And now here he was, back from the dead to haunt me. As if he hadn’t destroyed me enough, now he was with my daughter.

  The drive to the address I had scribbled down on a scrap of paper was a blur of passing trees and houses. I couldn’t tell you if I ran any red lights or sped through any stop signs. I drove with red fury guiding me, set on getting Willow back from the last person I had ever expected to see or hear from.

  I felt bad for lying to Grant, telling him Willow’s ‘friend’ had called and that sure enough, they had skipped school together. Collette was overdue for a nap, I insisted, and Lucas would be home from kindergarten any minute. I threw in that I needed to stop by the store for sanitary pads. That instantly convinced Grant to stay home.

  I had my reasons for the lies. I couldn’t tell him the truth. Never. He wouldn’t understand. He’d fill up on rage, and God knows I’d had enough rage to last a lifetime. It was better left unspoken, a secret locked away that only I held the key to … well, me and Geoffrey Faust.

  The apartment building was as average as they came. A line of red-brick buildings with tiny concrete patios creating adjoining corridors separated only by a rusted railing. Decorative bistro sets and colorful pillows adorned the front porches of several dwellings in a vain attempt to personalize the cookie-cutter homes. Potted flowers welcomed spring, and a lone black cat stood sentry in one of the doorways. A forbidding omen?

  Geoffrey had directed me to number 206. Second story. Six doors in. I found it easily, though my steps were wary as I approached. Was it stupid of me to have come alone? There was no other choice, was there? I couldn’t possibly bring Grant to meet the father of his son, or Mackenzie when things were still awkward between us. I’d considered calling Officer Montgomery, but involving the police didn’t seem like a good idea either. Besides, part of me wanted to do this on my own. To show Geoffrey he hadn’t defeated me. To prove to myself I was stronger than my pain. I could run from my past, playing a game of hide-and-seek with my demons. Or I could stomp the smug little devil into dust. Dust it was.

  Willow was safe, he’d assured me over the phone. Willow had confirmed it with an annoyed ‘Just come and get me, Mom!’ shouted in the background. She had turned up on his porch; I didn’t ask for an explanation as to how she got there. After my initial fear subsided, I had put two and two together: somehow Willow had learned about Geoffrey Faust – from eavesdropping, or Ryan directly – and came here looking for him on behalf of the big brother she idolized. But that didn’t explain Ryan being incommunicado. Surely he wouldn’t have just dropped his little sister off at the home of a man he’d never met.

  Of course, it could be a trap. That distressing thought occurred to me as I glanced through a dirty window, cupping my eyes to peer inside. Closed blinds blocked my view, but my ears picked up on a television blaring inside. Laughter. Clapping. Some kind of game show, it sounded like.

  I knocked on the door and it rattled partway open. I pushed it wider and peeked in. The apartment was clean and well furnished, the television entertaining an empty sofa and two cushioned chairs. Not what I had expected from the likes of a scumbag like Geoffrey.

  ‘Willow?’ I called.

  The man who came around the corner was not the man I remembered from my past – so much had changed about him. A shaggy beard hid the cut of his jawline, and his head was bald and shiny. A few extra pounds rounded his face. The march of time could change a person’s looks, but instinct couldn’t be outsmarted. In my gut, I knew it was him.

  ‘You’re Willow’s mom? Nice to meet you,’ he said, hand outstretched. ‘She’s in the bathroom.’

  I ignored his offer of a handshake. ‘You don’t remember me?’ Not that I wanted him to, but how dare he forget.

  ‘Should I?’

  I pulled out my phone and flipped to a picture of Ryan. I lowered my voice to a fierce whisper so Willow wouldn’t overhear. ‘See this boy? He’s your son, you asshole. How can you stand there and look me in the eyes and have no clue who I am or what you did to me, to your son? You came, you conquered, you destroyed, leaving me to rot like a sack of garbage. I wonder if you’ve had one moment of remorse for all the misery you’ve caused, you son of a bitch!’

  His expression remained impassive. His dark eyes flicked from the picture back to me. ‘Ma’am, I’d know if I’d had sex with a fine-looking woman like you or had a kid running around. You have me confused with somebody else. That’s not my son.’

  Just then Willow came around the corner, her face downcast with remorse.

  ‘What the hell, Willow?’ I ran to her, scooped her into my arms. ‘Where’s Ryan? Did he have anything to do with this?’

  ‘I don’t know where Ry is, Mom. I came here by myself.’

  ‘Why, Willow?’ I thought I knew why, but I wanted to hear her explanation.

  ‘Ryan told me everything. You lied to us all. Ryan said you said he was a jerk.’ She smiled apologetically at her host. ‘I wanted to see for myself, so I could tell Ryan what he was really like. So I looked on the Internet, got the address, hired an Uber, and came here. That’s it, Mom.’

  She made it sound so matter-of-fact. I had to admire her resourcefulness even while I cursed her foolhardiness. I looked at Faust and then back at Willow. ‘He hasn’t hurt you, has he?’

  ‘Hurt her?’ Geoffrey interjected. ‘Ma’am, I’ve let your daughter take over my apartment and extended her every hospitality.’

  ‘He’s been super nice to me, Mom. Please don’t be mad.’

  ‘I have a right to be mad at you. What you did was dangerous. You have no idea who this man is. He could have killed you!’

  ‘Whoa-whoa-whoa. I’m no killer, lady.’ Geoffrey waved his meaty hands in my face. ‘Like I said, I’ve never seen either of you in my life. And I think it’s about time both of you got the hell out of here.’ He walked over to the apartment door and opened it. We’d worn out our welcome big-time.

  I studied him, holding the door open impatiently. Maybe he was being honest. Maybe he was lying. I might even be married to a cheating liar, which I never saw coming. Clearly I wasn’t the best judge of character.

  ‘I’m sorry we bothered you,’ I muttered halfheartedly as we exited. He didn’t answer, and shut the door decisively.

  In the hallway, I didn’t hold back. ‘That was stupid, Will. Never ever do something like that again. Come to me if you have a question rather than running off to a stranger’s house searching for answers. You scared us to death – we reported you missing to the police!’

  Reality must have hit her then, a sudden realization of the risk she had put herself in. Her eyes glazed over and she cried
into my chest, her tears soaking through my shirt.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Mom. I didn’t think …’

  ‘Shh. It’s okay.’ I ran my hands over her sweet blond head, my fingertips catching in her mass of curls. ‘Everything’s okay now.’

  If only I could believe that myself.

  Chapter 24

  Robin

  THURSDAY NIGHT

  It was after ten o’clock before Willow finally fell asleep in my arms. It’d been so long since I held her like this, her not-so-small body cuddled into my side as I stroked her soft hair, inhaling the scent of her coconut shampoo. When had my baby girl grown up? Somehow I had blinked and missed it.

  It had been so much easier when she was younger. No skipping school. No comprehension of the drama that surrounded our family. Blissfully naïve and eager to please. A daddy’s girl, mommy’s little helper. But now … now she was scheming behind our backs, sneaking out of school, asking questions I had hoped to never have to answer.

  Back then it was lollipops and playgrounds. Now it was secrets and disappearing acts. And lies. So many lies.

  If the kids had ever gotten around to doing the math, they would have figured out the truth eventually. Grant and I had met when Ryan was two, married when he was three, and Willow didn’t come along until he was six. But what twelve-year-old notices those tiny discrepancies? Hell, apparently eighteen-year-olds don’t even do the calculations. I guess Grant and I had been vague enough about when we had first met that they never questioned if Grant was Ryan’s biological father. But did it matter, really?

  Grant was his dad. Willow, Lucas, and Collette were his siblings. One big happy family. Period. Except to Willow, apparently it did matter. Enough to send her digging in the remains of my past.

  The creak of floorboards drew my attention to the hallway. Grant stood there, his body lithe and toned from after-work gym workouts. At least that’s where he told me he spent his time. Or were those chiseled pecs and that flat stomach the result of extraordinarily athletic sex with his equally agile paramour in seedy hotels?